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The Kingdom is a toe-tapping, finger-snapping musical starring Prince and Michael Jackson as righteous adversaries vying for the keys to an enchanted kingdom.  Think Hairspray meets Bollywood with swords.  This is a movie for all ages that contains life-lessons about the struggle of a brave visionary who seeks to bring his disciples to the promised [...]

The Darjeeling Limited is the new movie from the guy that did those other movies. It’s got that guy who’s usually pretty good but you can’t figure out why he bugs you, the other guy that is usually pretty good and you know exactly why he bugs you but now he makes you sad, [...]

Zoo is a movie about people who really love animals. I can’t figure out why it was rated “R” though — every eight-year-old I showed this to loved it.
Music by Sting.

I must have totally missed not seeing Next when it came out in theaters, which is too bad because you know it’s good, because it has Nicolas Cage, who is a totally good actor. It’s also got that chick who played Jodie Foster’s daughter in the movie with the gross brains. Remember that? GROSS! [...]

Into The Wild is a remake of Grizzly Man, only with the twist that nobody thinks the guy is an asshole. The role of Werner Herzog is played by noted moody brooder Sean Penn. I think the guy is played by a young Jack Black.
 
Much in the fashion of the Lord Of The [...]

In A World Where Chaos Reigns And The Dead Eat The Living
Jodie Foster IS The Brave One.
(rated R for violence and because the guy behind you is masturbating)

Nobody took my cry for help seriously. I guess I’m stuck writing more of these. So anyways, hey! DRAGON WARS. Fuckin’ A, right? LOOK HOW HUGE THAT DRAGON IS COMPARED TO THAT DUDE.
If you go see this movie and you are disappointed, you are more retarded than I think you are. [...]

I’m not feeling it today.  Who wants to live in this world?
In lieu of a suicide note, I’ll leave the actual plot of this actual “independent” film.
“Rick Robinson is a lowly intern at a prestigious Miami law firm who dreams of becoming a partner one day. Eager to impress, he agrees to help the firm’s [...]

I was going to write a jokey line about how Gracie is a movie about a mule that can kick field goals. But then it turns out the movie is co-written and co-produced by Andrew Shue, and it’s about how his sister played soccer when she was a kid, and I cannot make up [...]

Resident Evil: Extinction stars Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter and takes place in a world where almost everyone is dead and zombies walk the earth, so these two women walk around in zombie-ripped clothes, carrying massive weapons to eviscerate their undead foes.
I hated this movie because the audio track was totally overpowered by the sounds [...]