DidntSeeIt.com

Now there’s a lot of hoo-hah going around about this new movie The Golden Compass. There’s a bunch of Christian organizations protesting and boycotting because it supposedly contains some atheist or otherwise anti-religious themes. Of course, none of these people have seen the movie. I haven’t either, but I’m experienced at this. So let me explain to you how it goes, and you’ll see there’s nothing anti-religious about it.

The Golden Compass tells the story of Frederique Neech and Richard Dunkins, two children from the land of Otheism, where people are intelligent and free. They travel to the horrible land of Cath, which is ruled over by the evil Benidictus. All people of Cath are in slavery, and have to attend a mandatory meeting every Sunday morning. (Sometimes, though, they go to a folk meeting on Saturday night — that meeting is a little shorter and more fun.)

I don’t want to give away too much of the movie, but after they kill Benidictus they think they are safe. But it turns out Benidictus was just the puppet of a giant crazy guy named Cheeses! Cheeses tries to get the kids drunk by turning their water into alcohol. Then, in a gruesome finale, the kids kill Cheeses by nailing him to some planks, making him drink vinegar, and then sticking a magic spear in his side. Then they cast lots for his stuff.

I think showing kids gambling is wrong, so I urge you to boycott this movie.