DidntSeeIt.com

I know, that’s a wrong title, right? The silence always comes after Bach, because after somebody says “Bach,” then I know I am about to become very quiet and then be thinking “What the fuck?” to myself.

This is one of those smart-people movies that even makes smart people look dumb. I mean, even the dumbed-down review is like some Harvard or Sarah Lawrence kind of shit:

The jingling piano, the humming traffic and the prancing horse tap out separate if connecting songs in the beguiling nonnarrative film “The Silence Before Bach,” from the septuagenarian Spanish auteur Pere Portabella.
– Manohla Dargis, New York Times

Let me help you understand. You probably know what jingling and humming is, and I’m sure that like me you are totally down with the prancing horse. Tapping out you should know if you watch UFC (I totally wanted to tap out during this movie too). Beguiling means it is like flowers. They misspelled nonnarrattive, but that’s OK because what does it even mean. Then there’s the movie title and then who even knew there was a “u” in septagenarian? Crazy. Those of you that watch the Food Network are familiar with how to prepare Spanish auteur (a traditional appetizer that often features mushrooms).

So there you go. And if the Manohla Dargis and the New York Times say so, you know it’s true.