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Glenn Close from “1001 Dalmatians” and Bellatrix Lestrange star in this Harry Potter ripoff.
It’s supposed to be a musical. Go see it only if only if you enjoyed George Burns singing “Fixing a Hole” from “Sgt. Pepper”.

What’s more exciting than a movie about Bob Dylan that doesn’t have Bob Dylan in it? A movie with Cate Blanchett wearing a bad wig and smoking! AND she can’t sing, just like Dylan! She’s uncanny, nearly Rich Little-like in her portrayal of the mumbler from Minnesota. That’s what I read on the Internet, anyway.
Also [...]

A freckled wee Scottish lad finds a grotty old rock that’s gooey inside and pulses with a magical light.
Is it the Blarney Stone?
No! Wrong country! Its really an egg for hatching out Greedo from Star Wars Episode IV, except (here’s the twist that sold this baby in the pitch meeting) it’s a Water Greedo.
It swims [...]

With the recent revelation by J. K. Rowling that Dumbedore is gee ay why, it should come as no surprise that Hollywood would rush to out another beloved children’s character: Mr. Magoo.Dustin Hoffman pulls out his old bag of Ratzo Rizzo “tricks” from Urban Cowboy as the conflicted Magoo, and the director and screenwriter try [...]

30 days hath November, April June and December, all the rest have 31. Except February, which has an R in there where you don’t expect it. If only the people of the Alaskan town invaded by the vampires had memorized this simple mnemonic. If only they could have said “mnemonic”. But they couldn’t, because their [...]

OK, let’s see if I can get through this.
What’s playing at the cinema today…..why it’s The Assassination of Jesse James by the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(two hours later)
What? What? Did I miss it?

Wudda U thinkx? I sez it Sux. Or maybe that’s Suckz.

El Cantante picks right up where Nacho Libre left off. Jennifer Lopez stars as “Bootymax”, and Marc Antony (Mark Anthony? Marcus Antonicus?) is “Rotavirus”, a whirling dervish of a man in green spandex and really big sunglasses who runs roughshod through the ring, through her life, and her intestines.Jennifer is the one in the mask [...]

Some of those in the media elite like to use space in their movie reviews to point out the fact that John Travolta is a Scientologist. They say this like it was a bad thing, but I bet these same people would be crowding their annual Christmas letters with references to “my son the entomolgist” [...]

“Ratatatscarlouie” is Brad Bird’s second film for PIXAR since leaving the cast of Sesame Street, and this follow-up to “The Dark Crystal” has no Gelflings, no Skekses and no “Trial by Stone” to help it along. All it has are rats and Frenchmen. Not since “The Secret of NIMH” have vermin so dominated an animated [...]