reviews of movies we haven’t seen

Mirrors is the new movie from one of those new young horror directors who is bringing the genre back to its glory days, when young maverick directors would put out lots of shitty remakes of movies that weren’t that good to begin with.
(rated R for flashlights)
Posted: August 18th, 2008 under Horror.
Comments: none
Hey guess what it’s time for the new M. Night Shyamalan movie which means people going like this:
Um and also there is a mysterious thing! It is “happening”! What is it? If you say the mystery is that people are still taking M. Night Shyamalan seriously, I am deducting points from you for being mean.
In [...]
Posted: June 11th, 2008 under Drama, Horror.
Comments: 1
In The Strangers, Liv Tyler plays a girl in this house who is getting terrorized by a scary crazy person in tights. It’s supposed to be based on true events but how can that be when her dad never even lived at home with her?
Posted: May 29th, 2008 under Horror.
Comments: none
As you might guess from the title, this is a gory horror movie.
It’s about these evil triplets who turn people’s brains into mush.
Posted: April 21st, 2008 under Documentary, Horror, Musical.
Comments: 1
The Visitor is about this old rich professor guy who returns to his Manhattan apartment to face the ultimate nightmare: foreign hippies.
You can totally tell that the guy who wrote and directed The Visitor knows a thing or two about hippies. Because when the old guy is all WTF, the hippie dude is all [...]
Posted: April 15th, 2008 under Drama, Horror.
Comments: none
I’m pretty sure I already saw this one, so maybe this is a remake or a rerelease or a rererererewheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Anyways, so The Ruins is about a bunch of hotties who take a Mexican vacation. When I saw it the first time it was called The Real Cancun, but ruins are hot right now so what [...]
Posted: April 4th, 2008 under Horror.
Comments: 1
Shutter is another Asian horror movie but this one is supposed to be special because it is Thai.
I was wondering where Pacey went! I don’t know why he went all the way over there but I hope it is not for the usual reasons.
And what’s more, I don’t support the sovereignty of Thaiwan anyways, so [...]
Posted: March 17th, 2008 under Horror.
Comments: 3
George Romero, fresh from his turn as The Joker on TV’s Batman, makes his triumphant return to the big screen in this cautionary tale.
Famously vegan and a longtime anti-lactose activist, George Romero was a natural for this kind of project. But instead of producing another dry, the-sky-is-falling documentary, Romero chose instead to convey his message [...]
Posted: February 15th, 2008 under Horror.
Comments: none
This is another one of those remakes of a movie that was in Japans so it is good. Also that means people who are wicked pale and creep all up on you.
Jessica Biel plays a Japanese girl that has a hand in her eye GROSS!!! and also she hates her oven. Right on, sister!
Posted: January 23rd, 2008 under Horror.
Comments: none
Finally, right? Three weeks into 2008, and I was starting to think there would never be a torture movie.
I got nervous that it was a movie for really smart people though because Sony Pictures said it’s about a “tech-savvy internet predator” which what even is that?
But I felt better though when I saw it [...]
Posted: January 22nd, 2008 under Horror.
Comments: 5